We are chaos

We seek to know our brothers, as we seek to know ourselves

And we seek to know our mothers, our fathers and sisters

and our lovers, past, present and those that never were

We define ourselves on these realities,

they forge us, make us who we are

And we learn the pain that comes with it

the pain of loss,

what never was and what could have been

and in time we learn mortality

We fret for the paths we haven’t traveled,

we fret the paths we have

And the past is our ally

Our enemy and our maker

The future holds no meaning

No logic or reason

Because it has yet to happen

and we know that when it does, all that will be left is past

The positives and the things we wish never were

And here I sit, pondering it all

The reasons behind it,

the fate that was given to me

When I realize

There is no meaning, no purpose, no fate

We are chaos, our lives are chaos

And like our mortal bodies,

We and what we leave behind is destined to die,

forgotten 

C

countless carriers

cradle confusion

cadence corruption calls

caressed counterparts

craved, counted, created

cooped corruption

calculates crafted countermeasures

copying carried critics

coalesced counterfiets

Carrie carries constant creatures

clayed couriers complicated complexities

cast, cold, called

crediting crazy classes

classed conveniently

completely clocked

B

beyond boyish battlement

bought, betrayed

baked, bad

bleached beyond broken bamboo

blackened built bio-hazard

big bay business benefits

bashed but bruised

beaten bio-organic battery

balance be budgeted bigotry

Smile

a child born rogue

stands idly by the cement line

scathed and broken, swallowed

by the nights low whisper

craving the dormant thoughts

drawn out, crafted with the

design of the world

caught in still life

without the sound

of the howling wolf

and the grape vine valleys

will lead a path

adapted in alleyways

two times clearer

but smaller than time

this child will fight

but his war is long since lost

Never Free: a mantis song

A bitter phrase crawls across my skin

Letting me know what’s really out there

and I take its harsh lessons

pour them over my head and walk on home

And I think to myself

‘what all am I trying to say, what all am I proving’

The answers come simple, nothing

And nothing is all I’ll ever be

And cross the bridges

I’ll wander, roaming but never free

With gentle autumn breezes

cooling the sweat from my brow

and I’ll know the taste of water

But I’ll never be free

Thru the dried up meadows

I’ll be reminded of

my time and thoughts

everything I ever put into you

into the closets and rooms

so clearly open

begging to be shut

but the doors will stay, open and ashamed

of their oak wood furnish

rotted away and eaten by mites

their beauty could never be free again

In ageless hymns

I wake up

Sounding off another day

And I speak to you

But no one ever listens

So here I am, shouting

Shouting at the ocean blue sky

reflecting my hopes and broken heart

The last question I ask

the last thing I will wonder,

‘could I be the one?’

As this torn man expected

No answer ever came

There’s never anyone there to answer

Never anyone there to let me know

the truth in my question

I’ve only myself and my answers are skewed

And more than that there’s never anyone there

to hold me,

to love me,

to die with me,

to dream with me,

There’s never anyone there,

There is only me, and I will never be free

never be free of you

A Dream Worth Forgetting

And I push on, without falter, without reason

It's all looked so pretty at the end of the tunnel

Yet inside I know, beauty has never been a reality

Always been lost

A once desired dream, never to find its way out of the wishes

Forged from a mind that once admired the prospects of happiness

Of love,

But it has become knowledge

Knowledge like the clockwork of the sun

That there's nothing in our dreams, nothing we could grasp

And I know travelling further, harder

That the bounties of my work,

Will swallow whatever was left of hope

Into an abyss I cannot hope to dig into

I'll choke on the prospects that never were

Remembering all I ever wanted, and all I never got

As a boy I was told 'you can do anything'

Now I know my options are limited

And my struggle to follow my dreams, an impossible task

I was never able to conceive

So the cloud of rain, that followed me for years

Is looking to go nowhere else

Above my head I know it will stay

And I'll lock aspiration away and throw out the key

Cos I've seen no sense in trying

They say 'follow your dreams'

That the 'road worth traveling is the hardest'

But I don't think I have the strength to push thru

And the rainman will come, but the pain will never be washed away